Hanssie: In The In Between ~ A Kiss & Tell About The Journey Of A Suddenly Single Gal In Life, Love & Photography »

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I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

When I was 20 years old, fresh out of college, I had a temp job in an office of a paint company. Every day from 9am to 5pm I would sit and input stuff on spreadsheets, type things up, do odds and ends and felt my soul slowly being sucked out of me as I died a little every day I punched the time card. I got out as quickly as I could and started substitute teaching. Then went back to school to get my credential and again, found myself on lockdown. Now, mind you, I now had more freedom to be creative and each day was different, but I was required to be somewhere from 7am to 4pm every single day. And I hated it.

I quit for 2 years to have the Kidlet and the first year was pretty awesome. I was off work for about 5 months while pregnant and I read every day, I learned how to cook some basic meals, and hung out with friends. Then I got bored. So  I joined just about every church Bible study they had available. And the choir.Until I was forced to get a job.

I worked at a charter school and while it had much freedom, I was there for 7 years. At year 2.5, I felt the familiar itch to leave from boredom and wanting something new. The job itself was pretty great. I worked maybe 3-5 hours a week from home and once a month I went to visit homeschool families. Plus it gave me time to shoot weddings on the weekends and raise my kidlet. So one week in every month, I was crazy busy. That happened for about 5 years. And then I joined a choir. (Sound familiar?) Then the last 2 years, the demands got greater, I was having a hard time homeschooling my own kid and I was working 3 other jobs trying to find an outlet for my need to create). Then In the middle of that, I left my husband and for the first time was taking care of myself and a little one alone. And I was lost.

6 months ago, I left the education world altogether and came to work for SLR Lounge. Finally, a place where I can create, but the job came with a cost. I had to work from an office. The first month was incredibly stressful. I had a new, very needy dog, the Kidlet and was moving. Things calm down as I got some help, but I found myself crying all the time. At work. At home. I felt like I was letting my daughter be raised by someone else. And for me, that was not okay. I needed my freedom. Each day as I sat in my office and got photos from my daughter at field trips, I started feeling more and more stress and pressure. And I started wanting to create music again, but there was no choir to join this time, haha.

So I made a scary decision. I decided that I needed to go freelance. (Before everyone freaks out, I’m still doing the same job at SLR Lounge, just not in the office and not full time.  For the first time I was working without a safety net – as in not a secured set amount monthly paycheck. I’m not as scared as I feel like I should be about this, but I do feel like the cage has been open and I am able to fly again – I have a job that I love, keeps me creating and working with awesome people AND I get to be home with my Kidlet and whiny, needy rescue dog. How much more perfect can that get??

My dichotomy has always been this – my type A personality needs security and my creative spirit needs freedom. For the first time ever, the creative spirit won out. We shall see what happens next.

Thanks for being a part of my journey. (Sorry for no pictures yet….).

Till next time,

H

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