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Why Can’t I Find The Right Guy? (Let’s Be Friends Part 1)

Today’s post features a man I have never met, but connected through the wonderful world of Twitter. Over the previous weeks, we have been exchanging emails and stories about the horrors of dating. I knew he would be perfect as a guest blogger when, minutes after I mention the words “Friend Zone,” I get a 500 word blog post with his opinions on the subject. I think it’s a perfect way to start my “Let’s Be Friends series” coming at you in the next few posts. XOXO, H

Hey there. I am Wyatt, your guest lectur-umm, guest blogger today on a topic. Before I begin, what makes me an expert on this subject? I am not. I didn’t even sleep at a Holiday Inn express last night. But what I do have is a trained observer’s point of view (salesman and former paramedic) and a writer’s desire to share what I see and I have made nearly every mistake in the book myself! And because of these traits, I am THAT guy. You know, the guy who gives great relationship advice but can’t help himself if his life depended on it? But I keep trying, which often leads to comedic relief and another learning experience, which I will share from time to time. Today’s theme: “Why Can’t I Find The Right Guy?”

Recently, a couple of friends were talking about how they couldn’t find the right guy. In my mind, I knew why, but since I had a romantic interest in one of these friends, I had to bite my tongue. So I shall share it with you.  Here is the deal. I am not sure if your wingman/guy friend/gal pals have ever pointed this out to you, but this simple observation could explain a lot about what’s going on in your dating life. Remember over the past !##$ failed relationship attempts (including dating miscues). Did any of your friends say “You are trying to hard?” Well it may still be happening. Try this on for size…

Its girls night out. After work you go home, jump in the shower. Put on your war paint, do the nails. Throw on the sexy heels. That’s right. THE sexy heels. The ones that go with the “stop traffic little black dress”. Off to the bar you go.  Before you leave, you take one last look in the mirror. What do you see? Do you see the kind of gal that a guy could spend the rest of his life with? Or do you see a gal that screams, ‘hook up receptive, buy me a drink?’ Does your outfit scream “brag to the boys” or does it speak “Introduce me to your mother?”

Have you ever tried it? Chances are you have, but not quite in this format. Yes, you do stop at the mirror.  If you are like most gals, you turn your rump to the mirror, check for panty lines, make sure you look sexy and FEEL SEXY, and then you declare in your most presidential voice “Mission Accomplished!”   From there, you head to the bar hoping and praying to bag a “decent” guy with long term intentions. You end up struggling to sit in your car in such a way as to allow normal breathing as well as not creasing the dress wrong or even splitting it open. Then you arrive, looking stunning and immediately run to your gals at the bar.

Sitting with your besties at the bar, the only guys who make it up to you are the alpha males with overconfident, more-expensive-than-rent-sunglasses, and wardrobes that would make mannequins in store windows proud. Occasionally, he will have a token nerd sidekick to assist him when the brainiac-gal (every female wolf pack has one) opens her mouth. Or it could be the absolutely stunning, professionally dressed, smooth talking, square-jawed, piece of gym membership eye-candy running solo at the bar with the 85 dollar haircut. He looks too damn good to be sitting alone, yet he cleverly cut you or one of your friends away for a solo conversation, smiles all around, until someone looks closely and sees the ring-finger tanline he is trying to hide.  The kind of guys your mother warned you about. and rightfully so, the ‘good’ girls go home empty handed.

So why do you do it? Why do you spend all that time and effort getting incredibly dolled up, wasting the fierce Jimmy Choo’s and <insert designer label here> dress on a bunch of neanderthals that can’t even make it to first base with a roadmap? Come to think of it, why are you trying to snag the guy of your dreams when dreaming only encompasses maybe two hours a day? What you should be doing is looking for the guy to fill the other 22 hours. And I think I know where you can find them, if you truly wanted to find a keeper…

Two words equals two more words…Friend Zone = Forever Single.

If you have a “friend zone”, chances are Mr. Right has already been parked in there once or twice (or may still be there). Can a person fall in love at first sight? YES. But that’s the exception, not the rule. Let’s face it, anyone capable of falling in love at first sight is already off the market, or back on it, having hopefully learned from the error of their ways.

I want to make an analogy that will help some of us understand a little more about the “Friend Zone.”  Last night I had the pleasure of talking with a therapist at work about “dating” and the”friend zone.” Nancy, (the therapist) and I seem to see eye to eye on this subject. The friend zone is more like U-Haul Self storage. The people you put into the friend zone have redeeming qualities. Something that means something to you that you cannot dismiss outright. It has value. Just maybe not at this very moment. Things that have value get saved and placed in storage until someday you have spare time to revisit it. This is where things go awry.  The idea of storage is that every so often you go through them and see if things still have value to you. Most people (men and women are equally as guilty) of letting things languish in storage until they are broken and useless.

To use her words, “Relationships grow over time because people grow. Why would we expect those in our friend zone to not change and grow as well?”  I couldn’t have said it better myself. We both agree at the remedy for this: Go through your storage unit every so often. You may surprise yourself at who you may find. Remember when I said you may be still trying to hard? Usually the friend zone is pretty darn close to the heart. Don’t overlook it.

I like Nancy. Shes kinda cool, for a therapist. And to make things crystal clear, she is NOT my therapist. Just a customer that I came across at work. Apparently my charisma extends beyond social and into the professional sphere. Oh, and about the outfit in the earlier scenario. You should dress closer to “introduce to mom” than “brag to the boys.”  In my next installment, “How guys view ladies outfit selections and the proper way to make yourself available in a crowd.” Stay tuned.

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Wyatt is a former paramedic, dormant photographer hobbyist and an aspiring writer in Honolulu, Hawaii. Having a writers eye for the obvious and having attended several body language classes, he has a keen insight into things that he sees and is not afraid to share. He is taking the single and dating journey as well, not just providing insight to those taking the trip with him. Wyatt has agreed to be a test-bed for all things dating. Openly discussing his failures and successes  in complete candor. He has dated online and through several websites with various degrees of success. In the past month he has placed ads and profiles different dating sites once again,  including Craigslist, so that he may share his insights.

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