Hanssie: In The In Between ~ A Kiss & Tell About The Journey Of A Suddenly Single Gal In Life, Love & Photography »

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The “Hook Up” Girl

Ready for a night on the town in Scottsdale

“Okay, so promise me that on your date you will not, I repeat, WILL NOT say, ‘I’m not ready for a serious relationship.’” says my roommate as I sit there on the couch like an 8 year old who is half listening to a lecturing parent, half tuned out and ready to go outside and play instead of sitting through another words of wisdom lecture.

“Uh huh.” I say petulantly, channeling my 8 year old self.

“No, seriously, Hanssie. PROMISE me. You will be giving men the wrong idea if you say that and they will put you immediately in a category you don’t want to find yourself in…”

For the last 12 months, in this adventure I call life, I have endured listened to many lectures from my roommate, @hashtagBrandon, and even though I act like I am not listening and am outwardly rolling my eyes, inwardly, I have processed much of the wisdom that has come from one of my closest friends, ten years my junior. In some ways I feel like I am emotionally in my twenties, having never experienced the perils of the dating world. It’s an awkward place to be in sometimes, I’ll tell you. Well, all the time. Being in your mid thirties with the emotional life experience of a twenty year old is not only awkward, but it’s also confusing as hell.

So, back to this convo between @hashtagBrandon and I. A few months ago, I made an off hand comment about not being ready for a long term relationship and before all the words made it out of my mouth, he jumps in and all over that statement. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, Hanssie. So, you’re saying that if the perfect man, the one that fit all the qualities of you list, your true love, walked into your life and wanted to be with you forever, you’d tell him that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship?”

Ugh. Me and my off hand comments…

“Um, well, it’s been only 8 months since my separation…and…um…” I flounder like a carp out of water.

“Why are you letting society dictate your standards? Your marriage may have ended a few months ago, but you cannot put a timeline to these things. You need to clearly define what you want and be ready for it when it comes, but don’t make stupid general statements that you don’t really mean. Girls do that all the time without thinking because you are sharers and we men listen and process and interpret everything you say and probably not in the way you want us to hear them.” He continues on.

Since then, I have thought a lot about what he said. And I didn’t follow his advice. And I paid for it. I got exactly what I wanted. I knew I didn’t want to be a “hook up” girl and I didn’t want to be in a totally serious committed relationship. I found myself in a situation where I couldn’t define what I wanted, and we so we could never define what we were and sadly it never went anywhere.

I may not be ready to fill my pinterest boards with wedding inspiration and have someone “put a ring on it” (unless it was a 4+ carat princess cut diamond, then I may reconsider), but I guess I am open to the possibility of a serious relationship, should one come along. I  do know that I DO NOT want to be placed in the one night stand, “hook up girl” category–I have way too much self respect for that, but beyond that I am willing to see where life takes me with no self imposed restrictions or timelines.

Have a happy Monday. XOXO, Hanssie

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michelle carrillo - September 18, 2012 - 10:19 am

Good for you! You may not know exactly what you want right now, but at least you know what you DON’T want, and that is HUGE! One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned so far that I’d love to share: It’s okay to make it up as you go along. ; )

Leeann Marie - September 17, 2012 - 7:50 pm

Good! I think that society puts *WAY* too many “rules” on lives. Get married at X age, have baby X years later, do this, do that. Not fair. You should live by your OWN happiness, because in the end, that’s all that matters. Open your heart to love, and you’ll find it – whether that be in a week or 10 years. When you’re open to it, it comes at the right time.


Janet Waite (Hubbart) - September 17, 2012 - 11:20 am

You do know that there is no perfect man, don’t you? Some are better than other though.