Hanssie: In The In Between ~ A Kiss & Tell About The Journey Of A Suddenly Single Gal In Life, Love & Photography »

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I’m Just Not That Into HIM…

On an adventure a few weekends ago with my bestie at Montage Laguna Beach.

Neediness.

Ugh. It’s an ugly trait, isn’t it? Now, I’ll be the first to (grudgingly) admit, that am sure that I have come across at some point as majorly needy in my whole 11 months as a single gal to some guy whose attention I thought I really needed at that time. And it was some time before I was smacked upside the head and reminded that I should have a modicum crapload of self respect and realize that I am awesome, I am not inadequate, and I definitely do not need a man to feel complete.

So, today, I’d just like to step on my soapbox, turn on that bullhorn and proclaim it in a very loud voice to all the ladies out there:

YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE, SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT!

One more time in case, you didn’t hear me…

LADIES! YOU ARE NOT DESPERATE, SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT!

A while back, I read a book and watched a movie called, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” The premise of the book is basically a man giving advice to women that hang on to men that aren’t really that interested (and they make asses of themselves in the process). I was fascinated because I saw myself in a few of those scenarios and wow, it was an ugly wake-up call. I learned a quick lesson after reading that book and promptly did a reassessment of my life, realizing that somewhere along the my journey,  I had shelved my self respect and substituted it because I wanted needed attention. And, ew, that is an ugly thing to realize about yourself.

On one of my recent adventures, I was hanging out with a group of new friends. Amongst our group was a very beautiful, smart girl who reeked, REEKED of desperate insecurity and neediness. She craved attention from men and was constantly seeking approval. She would pout if she didn’t have some sort of male admiration pointed in her direction and would frantically seek it from any male that happened to be in the vicinity. I think I recognized it quickly because I used to be the one that constantly sought everyone’s approval. It was a sad thing to see and it reiterated to me that was NOT how I wanted to be.

So many women out there sit by the phone and wait for a guy to call/text. (Guilty).

So many women bend over backwards and change who they are to please a man. (Guilty).

So many women chase after a man, forgetting that anything that is chased, RUNS AWAY. (Guilty).

So many women give up their friends, hobbies, interests, lives, to suit a man. (Guilty).

There are so many self help/dating books/how to books out there, so many websites, blogs, programs, coaches, etc, devoted to “Getting the Man You Can’t Live Without,” or “Being the One that He Wants,” or “Finding the One to Spend the Rest of Your Life With,” or blah, blah, blah…

I’d rather just propose a little challenge to us single gals out there: how about realizing YOUR self worth, fighting the NEED to find Mr. Right at this moment, beating the fear of being alone (I’m preaching to myself on this one…), and make sure that you are always holding your head high and never, ever compromise your self respect for anyone.

I highly recommend this book to all my single sisters out there, “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl” by Sherry Argov. I’ve read this book three times now and it looks like I’ve soaked it in highlighter soup. I discover and am reminded of new truths every time I read it. In fact, I’ve just inspired myself to read it again…(The book isn’t about being a “bitch” per se, but being a strong woman that DOES NOT need a man’s attention to be awesome).

Ladies, be confident. You don’t NEED his attention.  Learn to respect yourself. Let the man do the chasing. Set some boundaries. Put that phone down, walk away and do something fun with the girls. Remember that you are a beautiful, incredible person. YOU CHOOSE HIM and you CAN be just not that into HIM. (BTW, It’s easier said than done…)

To my future suitors, it’s probably not that I’m NOT into you, but please don’t expect me to chase after you. I’m not going to be waiting by the phone for your call/text,  I’m not going to bend over backwards to get your attention, in fact, I’ll put as much effort in as you’re putting forth. You’re the hunter, I’m the gatherer…If you want me, you’re gonna have to do work to come get me because I’m worth the effort;) (Reason #256 for why I am still single).

 

 

 

 

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