my life: happy birthday to me – better late than never

Oh boy, that’s a tough one. I have to say that I love being able to give the gift of photography. It’s so special to each client or friend, but my very favorite “gift giving” in this line of work so far has been to a dear friend of mine. She lost her baby girl at just 9 months old last fall and became pregnant the very same week. While her sweet daughter was still alive, we had scheduled a session for pictures. But when she passed away one week prior to that date, I felt terrible. When her son was born this June, I offered her a free newborn session which she graciously accepted. While I know that her son certainly does not take the place of her daughter, it was the most I could do to help “fill the gap” after her daughter’s session was never able to happen.

On November 20, 2004, my cellphone rang as I was listening to Kutless perform “Sea of Faces” at the Rosebowl during Billy Graham’s final Los Angeles Crusade. It was my brother — the youngest of five kids and only son — telling me “some chick” contacted him by email telling him she thinks he’s her brother. After an hour of comparing HIS notes from what her birth mom had told her and MY memories, we decided that it was indeed possible for her to be our biological sister.

That night Billy Graham preached on grace and forgiveness.

Later that night, I sent Diane, the “chick”, an email, and I signed it “ATE [AH-teh] JoAnn”, meaning “Older Sister JoAnn”.

You see, Diane was the product of my dad’s indiscretion with the live-in nanny, Amy, who was 16 at the time. My dad was 37. She was born 7 months after my youngest brother. My dad’s family paid off Amy — paid for her maternity needs in exchange for her eternal silence — and Diane was left at an orphanage for 6 years. She was adopted at 6 years of age by a family who abused her, and treated her as a built-in servant. When Diane was 10, she found a letter from her biological mother, and found out then that she was adopted. She grew up in the Philippines surrounded by abuse and poverty.

When she was 21 in 1988, she became a Christian, and God promised her then that she would someday know her biological family. On HER November 21, 2004, that promise became real. Unbeknownst to me, that night I sent the first email, I gave her the gift she’d craved all her life — belonging to a family — with that one word, “ATE”. At age 37, Diane was accepted and acknowledged as my baby sister.

I take that back. I didn’t give the gift — I got it!!!

A few years back my then girlfriend and I was getting my son ready for his Homecoming dance. We both had a great time helping him plan and get ready to go but she seemed to be into it a lot more than I was. She helped him pick out the tux and the flowers. She carted him back and forth to the tux rental place and the florist.

After we waved goodbye to my son I noticed that she was crying quietly. I asked what was going on and she proceeded to tell me that she had never gone to Homecoming before. That the friends she hung out with didn’t go to dances and she was too shy and leary of going to dances without her friends around so she just didn’t go. She was sad that she made that decision but even sadder that she missed out.

The following Saturday was her birthday and I told her that she needed to get out her “Red Dress” (this was the dress that she wore for special occasions and she looked fantastic in it) and to be ready for the night of her life.

She couldn’t stand the suspense. She kept asking me where we were going and what I bought for her… this went on all week.

When it was time for her to get ready to go I told her to take her time… in fact I needed her to take one hour to get ready and not come out of her room.

One hour had passed and she was ready to come out. I told her to keep her eyes closed and that I had a surprise for her. I led her into her living room and told her she could open her eyes. When she did she saw her living room rearranged and decorated like a high school gym… complete with streamers and a banner that said “Welcome to Homecoming 1980″. I put two chairs by a round end table (complete with a flower arrangement, a dish with M&Ms and two glasses of spiked punch) put it in the corner and the floor (wood floor) was open for the dance floor.

I got out my box of records (yes, records) from high school and we danced all night to the record player.

We took lots of photos and giggled all night.

Sometimes the best gifts aren’t material at all.

She’s told me on several occasions that it was the best night of her life.

My first year of college, I went over the England. As my parents couldn’t afford to fly me home for Christmas, I went to visit my grandparents that lived there (that I hadn’t seen for 11 years). When I got to their house, there was no tree and my Grandma told me that they didn’t get a tree anymore. On Christmas Even, I took a walk to the village center and purchased the last tree and asked if they could deliver it. Then I went and bought a string of Christmas lights and some tinsel with my limited funds. After the surprise tree was delivered, my grandmother even found some old glass ornaments in the attic. As I decorated it, tears rolled down my Granddad’s face. He said it had been so long since they had a tree and a young person in the house at Christmas. The cost of the last tree wasn’t much, but the memories given were priceless.